Everyone that works for me, knows that I'm not the biggest fan of alcohol. It seems to always make me sick (my one weakness), and on top of that, I've seen some of my "workers" come in after a long night of drinking, and they certainly don't put in a very good effort under this influence (I mean, come on! I'm paying them $5.00 an hour, I want to hear backs breaking!). That's why I've banned my "workers" from drinking anywhere near the job, on my property, and even at functions sponsored by me for the company(you know, what we at Wal-Mart like to refer to as benefits). However, liquor certainly does have its place: in my stores! Now some people are saying that this is hypocritical (like that pinko-commie outlet, the Wall Street Journal), just because I choose to sell censored music and not sell disgusting magazines, and attempt to portray myself as wholesome American. Now what exactly is un-American about baseball, mom, and apple-pie flavored liquor? Then there's that awful "leftist" organization, MADD! They're complaining that kids might be able to get their hands on our product. Now what in the world would make them think that my "workers", who get paid $5.00 an hour, would slack on the job and sell alcohol to minors? I mean, come on! They NEED these jobs, they had better toe the line! Then there are the small businesses again. More people whining that I'm going to take profits away from them. Get over it people! If YOU ran a decent business, maybe you'd have all the money I do, so YOU could crush other business just like me! Now there's a small group of liquor store owners in MA that have joined together to attempt to out market me! What a joke! Oh, how I love the smell of free enterprise in the morning! And the best part? I've made a new best friend! A liquor company by the name of Diageo, who I've given the very special title: "category captain"! They get to help shape plans for "a specific range of products" and we get to give them ideas on what to create and sell in our stores! And that is the tricky part: our stores. Now I've got to go out and plan an entirely new set-up of how my stores are going to look inside, so that we can make PLENTY of room to bring in the liquor. *Sigh* Now that I'm thinking about, is an estimated profit of $5 billion really worth all this fuss? Welllll.... yes! Recent Posts by Evil SmileyI Am So Coy! (10/26) Read » New stickers with my beautiful face (10/12) Read » A little proselytizing (09/27) Read » Comments
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