Tom Coughlin, a former Vice Chairman of my company has done the unthinkable. The unimaginable, the preposterous, the ridiculous! The man STOLE from me and my company! Time to teach all my slaves (oops, I mean WORKERS!) what will happen to them if they get the same idea!
Coughlin had the AUDACITY to attempt to steal approximately $500,000 from me in a scheme to misappropriate corporate funds and property for his own personal benefit and he used me as a means to subsidize personal expenses - small and large - in almost every area of his personal life! He stole bloody Mary mix, XM radio, boots, a kareoke machine, underwear and plane tickets!!
I couldn't let this stand, so I decided to take action! I don't want my "workers" thinking they can just TAKE those shoes their children so desperately need, just because they think I'm not paying them enough!! So rather than asking for reimbursement for the $500,000 he so disgustingly stole from me, I figured, why not make an example AND a profit off of this? Therefore I decided to take back his retirement package ($14 million in restricted stock) and the $6.5 million I paid him in bonuses while he worked here! That means, because he stole $500,000 I get to take back $20,000,000 and keep it for myself! Sure I don't really need to take that money back, but it's the principal of the matter! I just have to decide what to do with the money now, maybe put up some new stores in a third world country! (I certainly won't let the "workers" get a portion of this, sure it could probably give health insurance to thousands of my "workers", but hey, then they'd think they won, right?)
Let's just hope this serves as a message to all my "workers" out there, not only will we take back what you steal, we'll take back every "benefit" we ever gave you!
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Comments
Good ideas about the abusive greedy welfare and corporate we the taxpayers' support...
Posted by: Don Cole at August 5, 2005 12:30 AM
This entire statement is ridiculous. Are you really advocating that it is okay for a person to steal from his/her employer? I think any employer (not just Wal-Mart) would penalize a dishonest employee in every way legally possible. If you steal from your employer then you forfeit your rights to any benefits you may have earned. I certainly don't feel that Tom Coughlin deserves a penny of the $20 Million you say they took from him. It is also beyond reason to expect them to simply give the $20 Million to other employees. Which ones would they give it to? How would it be split? If you wish to be taken seriously then you must refrain from making childish and petty statements such as these. Wal-Mart has done plenty wrong on their own and there is no need to cry foul where there is no foul.
Posted by: John B at August 9, 2005 12:13 PM
John B., You think it's fair to penalize an employee over 40 times the damage they did to the company? Theft from employers isn't what's being advocated, but the penalty fitting the crime is. Not only did Wal-Mart force Coughlin into retirement, they took away his retirement package, required him to repay all bonuses that they already paid him (most of which were paid long before this scandle started and were paid for making Wal-Mart billions), and exposed him to the public eye after punishing him themselves and then turning him over to the government.
As for the $20 million being distributed to its employees, they don't mean splitting the money up and handing it out. The posibilities of this include making health insurance more affordable to its employees, increasing said insurance coverage (yes *gasp* Wal-Mart's insurance has limitations on coverage beyond cosmetic purposes), increasing the discount percentage (Wal-Mart has an average 30% markup on merchandise, but employees get a 10% discount only on select items), and even increasing their minimum wage (which is currently only a few pennies over the required mimimum in many places).
Posted by: Chord at August 11, 2005 02:40 PM
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I'm Evil Smiley, and this is my blog -- where I plot to destroy the world, research my targets and generally just brag of my incredible accomplishments.